an old pre-birth post from a person who does not think Obama should be president

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Barack and My New World
I was watching C-span last night, couldn't really sleep after finding out becky was pregnant. I'm thrilled and at the same time terrified, of all the things biological that I can't control, of myself becoming a man (not because of the biological but the changes that I will have to go through) and the thought that if everything goes right and if there are 10 fingers and 10 toes, (or eight for that matter, clubba), a healthy heart, lung and brain, even then I am bringing a child into a world that at this point seems a little dark and foreboding.

I've seen other people do it, so I know it can be done. Fine people raised by parents in far more difficult circumstances than I have, comforted by the blanket of health insurance, a nice home in a nice neighborhood, etc. Nonetheless, waves of calm and stress passed through my body, manifests of all the emotions I have even as I look eight months physically, mentally and emotionally down the road. Little things, like below the sink, as I remember when Jeremy and Julie visited me in Amherst when he was very young and as Julie and I talked in the living room, Jeremy managed to line up every poisonous cleaner I had in one nice straight line on the kitchen floor. Geez, Jer you were in there for five minutes, but at least it's a straight line.

Of course these are the little fears, but there are bigger ones, the fear of a New World order, of an administration out of control, an uncertain future. Shoot, I guess I just think too much sometimes, keep thinking, you gotta while, calm the hell down. It's not all about you and your covenant with the American experience.

As I kind of sat there in a stupor, becky asleep, the sox in rain delay, my laptop tuned to different pregnancy sites, I flipped on to C-span, my second home. Where I saw Barack Obama speaking to EMILY's list. Obama is an amazing rhetorician, with speaking and writing skills that pale mine and is one of the few politicians I think I would pay to see speak. He gave me a little hope, hope that there is a future for us and our children and not all politician are bound by corporations and the commodification of fear.

The following is not the speech that he gave last night but the one that he gave to the Democratic Convention in 2004. Becky and I were outside North Station at a Mass. Dems party at the Bell in Hand, a bar nearby the former Fleet Center, where Obama spoke. I literally shook when I heard this speech, and an actual tear came to my eye, and a rush of pride when he's says a "skinny kid with a funny name" (ok, so I'm not skinny) but to understand the American experience and to think of my own grandparents, it resonated with me. I thought about my grandma Nieves and the way she always looked at me, like I was the future.

So if you've gone this far. Please read the speech. If you are interested in hearing it out loud go to http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/convention2004/barackobama2004dnc.htm .